Mom Guilt Doesn't Go Away, It Evolves: Give it a Good Fight With These Tips
My first child was not even a few days old. I gently placed him in his brand new bassinet and stared down at his big eyes and head full of soft baby hair. He looked so delicate and sweet, and as I gazed upon his angel face I instantly thought:
"What the %$!# am I doing?"
This new feeling of self-doubt was what I would come to know as mom guilt. After that nagging voice introduced herself on that very day, she made it her full-time job to follow me around.
Related: 3 Mom Thoughts that Are Uncomfortable but Normal
When my children were babies, I wondered if I was doing it all right. What if my baby is hungry? What if I don't realize something is wrong? Is my baby supposed to cry this much?
I was always comforted by the thought that soon I would know what I was doing and it would get easier.
Silly me.
As my kid became mobile, I had a whole new list of things to stress over. I'd wonder if my kid felt loved. Am I spending enough quality time with them? Am I on my phone too much?
That's when it hit me. Mom guilt never goes away. It only evolves.
Ever-evolving Guilt
Guilt does serve a purpose in life.
Think all the back to caveman times. If Sally Cave-lady left her baby to go gallivanting through the jungle for two days, things would not turn out so well for the baby.
The problem is, us mothers are super sensitive to this feeling of guilt. And it often rears it's head when it is not needed.
As your kids grow and develop, you will be faced with new challenges. For mothers, this means unchartered territory and more opportunities for self doubt.
3 Ways to Take a Jab at Mom Guilt
You will always be questioning yourself. That is what makes you such a great mother.
However, no matter what stage your child is at, if you do these three things you will have method for silencing the nagging.
1) Trust your instincts
Experts have shown that mother's intuition is a real thing.
Take a deep breath. How do you really feel? Make a decision and go with it. There is a good chance that you know what is right for your kid.
2) Chill out a little
Your kids don't need fancy dinners and clean floors. They need you to be happy (and these 7 other things).
Give yourself grace. Ask for help, hide away for a minute, or indulge in something you enjoy.
You are only human, and it is healthy for your kid to see that.
3) Connect with your kid
Studies show that even if you connect with your kid for 9 minutes a day, you will make a big impact on their confidence and emotional well-being.
Even if you are busy, take a few minutes to bond with your kid. You will both walk away feeling refreshed.
Final Thoughts
As my oldest son is creeping up on his pre-teen years, I found that I question myself even more than when he was that tiny newborn baby in the bassinet.
I imagine that even if I am alive when he is 80 years old, I will have some traces of mom guilt still lingering.
The trouble with mom guilt is that it doesn't just go away. That tricky beast mutates and evolves as your kid gets older.
Do these 3 things to combat the ever-changing guilts of motherhood that are holding you back from the joy you deserve.
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I am not a parent yet so can only imagine about mum guilt but I have heard my family talk about it.
I'm not a mom yet but I know a lot of first time mothers who are experiencing this kind of dilemma. I'd share this post with them! It will be really helpful!
im a parent of 2 grown son and daughter ages 20 and 22....being away from them most of my life working abroad...feels like im not the parent that they can talk to when ever they have problem...especially to my son...but it is what it is..i talked to them a lot whenever its available and do my part as a father either when im home or abroad
yeah! sometimes my girl friends catch up also will mention about mom guilt especially those already married & with kids, so our catch up gathering at times will trigger their guilt if they are not bringing their kids along 😀 I think somehow mums would need to assess when to have their reasonable me time too vs mom guilt. cheers, siennylovesdrawing
As a mother, I must say, what an encouraging post - certainly helpful for many mothers out there.
Haha, funny post. I think talking to your children and finding out exactly how they feel will help to ease some of those guilts
Not a mom but I can imagine how it can be!
This point made me think about my mother and other mothers. It is true that you can't go to school to learn to be a parent but I have never given much thought to the guilt parents might feel when they 'fail'. This post however helps you move on and not dwell on your guilt.
Couldn't agree more with trusting your instincts. Mom`s instincts are the best!
As a mother of two girls and still struggling to get it right, I must say, I truly enjoy your post. I am sure that I am not the only one.
Every parent has their own style but yeah i agree that being worried does help the child be safe and grow up well. Thanks for the tips as well
As always you have shared useful and lovely tips for dealing with children and I learned something new in the process, looking forward to the next one 🙂 - Knycx Journeying
True, being the healthy and happy only thing that makes kids happy. When moms cry in front of their kids, kids always go up to them and cheer them up.
Aww moms are the best! I agree kids learn more in that process!