The Art of Raising Wild Boys into Gentlemen
Raise your boys into gentlemen with these 7 simple positive parenting solutions.
Being the oldest in a family of five girls, I had serious doubts of my ability to raise a son when I saw the evidence of a boy on my sonagram. There were five girls and no boys in our family. There was no shortage of Barbies, ponytails, and bras in our house.
Don't get me wrong. We were not girly-girls. We were soccer-loving, worm-digging, free spirits. Still, when I had my first son, I was a little unsure of the logistics of raising little boys. I quickly learned where all of those boy stereotypes came from. Boys really ARE made of snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails.
One thing is for sure: I love being a boy mom. I love the ridiculous amount of energy and enthusiasm for life that my two sons have. It's fascinating to me that if they see anything taller than them, they can't physically resist the urge to climb it. I admire that walking is too slow of a pace for them. It is fascinating to me that if I offered them a million dollars or a pile of dirt, they would, with out a doubt, choose the mud pile.
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Sure, it is challenging to not lose my temper when I find them taking apart our remote controller to 'see how it works', or to constantly explain that every tree is NOT, infact, their personal bathroom. It can be exhausting to constantly feel like a referee at a wrestling match; but, I admire their wild energy and fierce curiosity.
My goal was to learn how to focus their energy in positive ways and guide them. Call me old-fashioned, but I want to raise my two sons to be classic, little gentlemen who are confident enough to listen to their hearts; and, these are the 7 simple, day-to-day values I am instilling in them.
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1) Gentlemen Hold doors for everyone
This sounds like common sense, but unfortunately, it no longer is. In this fast-paced world, I feel like this common courtesy is slowly dying. I can't believe how many times the person in front of me slides through a door, leaving it to slam in my face because they are either in too much of a hurry or they are too focused on their phones to even notice.
When we are out, we always encourage my 7 year old son hold the door open for his family and other people. I giggle when I see him roll his eyes at grocery stores when a parade of 10 people walk through the door while he holds it. And sometimes it is a little forced, but he glows when people thank him. I am hoping that if we keep at it, it will be instilled in him to always look behind him and politely hold the door open.
2) Congratulate your opponents
I can't take all of the credit for this one. My sons play several sports that require him to shake hands with the other team or opponent before and after the game or match -most notably, wrestling. After a wrestling match, the referee asks the two competitors to shake hands, and then they each shake the hands of the opponent's coach. It is a fantastic show of sportsmanship.
My husband has taken this to another level. He asks my son to personally approach his opponent after a match to tell him "good job". Although it is still good sportsmanship, when my son has won his match this is easy for him. It is when he loses and he congratulates his opponent that he is truly building character. These teaches our little guy the meaning of hard work and kindness (even when things don't go your way).
Whether it is after a board game, a spelling bee, or a sporting event, it is important to encourage your young sons to be a good sport. They will always experience loss in their life, and this is a crucial part of learning to do the right thing.
3) Eat dinner with your family
We've all heard that sitting down to eat dinner with the family is a very important part of the day. It is a time to turn off distractions and make time to interact.
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For us, this time of the day is less about eating, and more a symbolic reminder that family comes first. Often, my kids are busy playing outside with friends when dinner time approaches. They know that this is a time when we all sit together. After dinner, we all run in separate ways to get to sporting events, girl scouts, or play dates; however, that dinner routine reminds us of the importance of family.
In my mind, putting family first is a great way to be a role model for your young boys.
4) Look out for the younger and weaker
I want my sons to be the type to stand up to a bully when they see someone getting picked on. Through conversation, we encourage our sons to speak up if they see someone getting bullied.
Recently, my son intervened when someone was bullying his younger sister. He was proud to come home and tell us that he protected her and advised a teacher. My husband and I were secretly proud that we instilled this protective trait in our son, and that he had the confidence to act on it.
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5) Gentlemen Let Others go first
I will most likely get criticized for this old-fashioned mindset, but we try to teach our sons to let others go first- especially girls. I want them to grow up being the kind of men who are respectful to girls and women, and I think this has to start at a young age.
My 7 year old is in the "girls have cooties" phase; but, we still have discussions with him about treating his sister and other girls with respect. Although this is still a bit of a forced behavior, if we continue to talk about the importance of good manners, he will have no choice but to listen.
6) Say sorry if you are wrong
Let's face it, kids fight. Kids argue. Heck, I have seen my kids get into a WWE brawl over who gets the last Reese cup. After an argument, disagreement, or a headlock, we force an apology. I use the word "force" because sometimes it is as natural as a unicorn pooping chocolate. Both kids think they are right, and neither want to admit they are at fault.
I am all for letting kids work out their own problems; but, as parents we sometimes need to step in and guide them. Encourage them to take responsibility for their actions and get used to what if feels like to apologize earnestly.
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7) Don't be afraid to be yourself
This is the most important lesson of all to teach our sons. I see my son battling pressures that I never had to. Boys can be quick to bully and laugh at other kids. Whether your son is silly, shy, feminine, or reserved - encourage them to be their true self. Teach them to love their personality.
Join in the activities they love, and be a part of their daily lives. A confident child is rarely a bully.
Final Thoughts on Raising Boys to be Gentlemen
If you met my 2 sons, would you call them perfect gentlemen? HECK.NO.
But it is up to us, as the parents, to shape our children. I want to look back knowing that I did everything I could to raise my sons into respectful gentlemen.
Boys can sometimes seem like destructive little energizer bunnies, but if you start instilling these values in them at a young age, they will shine through as they grow up. Give them the tools to be kind, yet confident - and listen to their hearts.
If you love them fiercely and teach them to be strong, you will undoubtedly raise respectful, confident men.
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How sweet! I love these tips! As a mother of 2 boys, I hope I am teaching my sons to be gentlemen too!
These are commons sense tips that are sooo needed in today’s society. Equality doesn’t mean abandonment of manners! I’m so glad You wrote this up, and I pray that young parents (or older ones, for that matter) will take your advice and experience to heart. We need more civility, and it starts with good values and basic human respect. Thank you for passing integrity, manners and Character into your children.
I agree, raised my 3 boys this way, and everyone says how polite and good to others they are. They aren't perfect, but who is. They are teenagers now.
Thank you for sharing! That makes my heart happy!
Most of the tips are excellent, but they are good for daughters as well as sons.
As to “Let girls go first”, I disagree because it suggests to boys that girls are somehow “other” and possibly sows the seeds for gender inequality. Rather, teach girls and boys to politely allow someone else to pass first, depending on the circumstances.
Great thoughts!!! I agree as well!
I agree! And I was looking for a place to say the same thing.
Letting girls go first was common in Victorian times, when women were considered to be the "weaker sex" (and if it came to a contest of throwing hay bales all day, probably true) but now it just refers to that attitude. Most jobs now are mechanized and don't take the same amount of brute strength.
You can teach boys to be respectful of women & girls in better ways than this.
I agree. Instead of “let girls go first,” why not “let others go first?”
Love that! I think I will update this!
Thanks for your advice. I also have two son, and I really love them
I raised two great boys who are now in their early 40’s...
I also taught them to cook and how to wash clothes.
I had to go back to work when they were in 2nd & 4th grade. Had “time bake” on the oven & had the oldest put meat in the oven 30 minutes before it came on. When I got home meat was cooked & table set!
@Trillian, I deeply agree. Girls are not a different species, and it can lead to inequality to teach boys that they have to treat girls different from boys. They should be taught to be considerate, polite and respectful to everybody, utterly regardless of gender.
Such great tips especially since I have a one year old gentleman in the making 🙂
I LOVE these! My boys are now 16 and 14 and I have always tried to instill these values in them. (As they get older it is much harder to sit down to dinner but we try to do it as often as we can)! My boys are gentleman, respect women and the elderly and I love having teenage boys!!!
I have a son he is 31 now and we live in town well when he was about 5 or 6 and was outside playing he would pee off the porch well I had several people call and tell me he was doing this and I told him you can not do that well now I have 3 grandsons and they try to do the same I’ve been teaching them the importance about privacy and how you don’t need to do that
I love this! As a mom of 2 boys, I want nothing more than for them to become respectful gentlemen.
Great tips! I have two boys and we teach them this more! This very important.
This is such an important topic and vital for little boys.
Great list! I have a daughter but I think these apply to all kids!
I agree that a lot of these apply to all kids 🙂 Thanks for reading!!
These are golden word each and every rule. I just loved it. I have my 2 year old boy and I put all my energy and effort to raise a good boy. I agree woth you boys are full pf energy. When si found out i m expecting a boy i was surpriced how I will handle and raise a boy. But I am proud to tell that I love him and I am thankful to have him in my life. We have not a mother-son relation but we are morr bestfriends. When we are that close then its easier to learn them the best things and values from us❤️
5 Sisters?!! Your poor Father. 🙂 Good post, thanks.
Lol yes! Quite a big responsibility for my father! He is enjoying his grandSONS now 🙂
Your are going to turn out the best! Because they have the best teacher....you!
I love these tips being a boy mom myself! The saying is true boys will be what we raise them to be.
Loving all these tips! I am a mother of girls and still think these are valid things to teach them as well!!
Great post.
As a single mother of 2 boys with additional needs these things are still important, especially the last one.
All children are under pressure to conform to whatever the current fashions are, be that clothing, mannerisms, hair colour, technology, whatever. Most children are equipped to deal with this, to a certain point, but my boys struggle with the majority of social interaction so really don't know how to deal with any if this.
If I can instill in them the qualities you talk about, hopefully it's also teaching them about social interaction in general. Giving them any help with social interaction has got to be a good thing.
Thank you.
I have 2 boys and 2 girls. I always feel literally split in half raising them! Thank you for these wonderful parenting tips!
This is so special and I can relate because I am also raising 2 precious boys. All these are great. I am covering most of these but need to work on others. The boys are super cute!
I love this! I am trying to do the same with my little boy and agree that raising little gentleman is so important.
This is a great post! I have two boys too! They’re too little to do any of these things yet, but I’m going to raise them to be respectful as well! Thanks for sharing!
As a mother of 2 boys myself and old fashioned...I loove your post and it gives me hope about the future..Thank you.
Enjoyed reading your post, and completely agree! Having 6 (!) boys myself, and those values are very important. Another important value is speaking about emotions! Girls do it a lot, but boys lack it.
Using emotional language with boys is super important!!! Thank you!
Love that idea about emotional language! Thank you!!
I like most of your list, but I have to respectfully disagree with teaching our boys to cater to girls by holding the door, letting them go first, etc.... As women, we are fighting for equality. Why hold on to these archaic chivalrous notions? Don't they defeat the whole purpose of putting women on equal footing as men? Of course I want my sons to behave respectfully, but I don't want them to hold women above or below them.
I also don't want my daughters to learn to play coy and expect boys to do things for them that they are capable and strong enough to do for themselves.
Just my 2 cents...
Keep going even on the hard days. The ending of all that hard work is so awesome. Your heart will feel like it’s going to burst when they are grown men and you see the Gentlemen they have become. You just can’t help but smile and wipe a tear of joy away!
So beautiful story. Let's cheer up.
Your two boys are adorable. I don't have any kids(yet) but I completely agree. Many things are common sense but unfortunately not anymore.
These are perfects tips to raise a gentleman, wonderful post and reminders!