How to Rekindle the Mother and Son Bond When You are Growing Apart
Parenting tween boys and teenage boys can be scary and unpredictable terrain for parents. As your sweet little boy approaches teen years and moves through middle school and high school he may start to drift away from you. These tips will help you rekindle and maintain a close blond with your tween boy or teenage son.
It didn't happen overnight. Maybe if it had it would have been easier, like a band-aid being ripped off.
He used to lighten up when I would walk in the room. His tight hugs assured me that he was thinking about me when we were apart.
When we were together at home, he would follow me around, give me sweet compliments, and cuddle close any chance he got.
Overtime, he stopped looking at me like I was a gift to this world. That makes sense. He is busy with sports and friends.
Then, like a knife to the heart when I went in to kiss his forehead, he pulled away.
No, this is not a break-up. It's much worse: My son is growing up and pulling away from me.
Worried about unhealthy boundaries? Learn about Enmeshed Parenting here.
It's No Surprise That Parenting Tween Boys is Challenging
During those tween years, your son is going through physical changes, social issues (like peer pressure) and most importantly big changes in their brain.
Scientists have studied the growing human brain and made some amazing discoveries on the prefrontal cortex, which is the part of the brain that controls impulses, cognitive skills, and memory.
Previously, researchers thought that the foundation of the brain was developed when a child is five or six, but recent studies show that changes in the structure of the brain that appear relatively late in child development.
In fact, the prefrontal cortex is still growing through the teenage years, so it's no surprise that parenting teens boys and little kids is difficult. These young adults are going through their own internal changes and power struggles. The teenage brain is a scary place.
Part of growing up is making bad decisions. And part of parenting tween boys is understanding this.
Parenting Teens? Also read: How to Keep Your Kid Safe and Accountable on Social Media
Rekindle the Bond with Your Teen or Tween Boy
Of course my son and I still loved each other, but that deep connection we had was fading away. The things I did in the past to connect with him stopped working, and seemed to annoy him.
I realized that if I wanted to strengthen our relationship, I would have to make some adjustments and listen to his heart.
When your teen sons are growing up, it doesn't necessarily mean that they have to grow apart from you. Sometimes, like any relationship, you just have to work at it.
This practical advice will you help rekindle the relationship with your young man.
1) Show interest in something he loves
The best way to connect with your son, join in on a hobby that he loves.
Does he enjoy video games, hiking, or playing or watching a sport?
Pick at least one activity that your son participates in, and show interest in it regularly. Don't just ask him about it - actively join in.
Ask your young or tween boy to teach you how to play video games, watch a show he loves, throw a baseball with him outside, or start riding bikes together.
Also check out these: Inspirational Quotes about Mother and Son Bonds
2) Gift him Extra Freedom
It sounds contradicting to bond with your son by giving him space, but it is an important step and a good idea.
Trust is an important factor to a healthy relationship with your son. He wants to feel independent and free.
Show him that you have faith in him as a human by giving him some age-appropriate freedoms.
For example:
- Allow him to walk to a friend's house alone (if it is safe)
- Give him tasks around the house (take out garbage, vacuum, or mow the lawn)
- Ask him to help out with younger siblings, cousins, or friends
Related: Age-Appropriate chores that help kids develop
3) Talk to Him like a Grown-up
When I would say to my son "How's my baby boy!?", I could see him cringe.
I had to fight the urge to talk to him like the baby that I still picture him as.
He responded so much better when I would talk to him like an adult, and ask him open-ended questions about his life, such as:
- What was your favorite part of your day?
- What would you like to do this weekend?
Remember, your boy may be dealing with low self-esteem, mood swings, and other real world issues. Be patient if he is hesitant to open up right away.
Also, open up about your own life. Talk to him about your own feelings and things going on in your life.
Parenting tween Boys on Family Closeness : Close-Knit Families do these 5 things regularly
4) Schedule a Mom and Son Date Night
Spend intentional quality time together by scheduling a Mom and Son "date night". Don't call it a "date night" though, any parents of boys will tell you they won't like that.
Try one of these simple ideas:
- Make a pizza together
- Movie night
- Go on a hike
- Do a puzzle
- Go bowling
- Go to a sports game together
It doesn't have to be anything complicated! The goal is to simply build closeness, foster trust, and make your son feel valued - while having a good time together.
Must Read: 7 Ways to Raise Good Boys into Good Men
Click here if you interested in learning more about how to decode the boy brain.
5) Don't forget to Show Affection to Tween Boys
Your son may not let you cuddle him for hours, but that doesn't mean you should stop showing him affection.
Offer your hand while you walk by him. Give him a huge when he leaves. Even a gentle squeeze on his shoulder will help him feel love.
Related: Raise strong sons and daughters who come to you with problems, not hide from you
Final Thoughts Parenting Tween Boys
Many parents have a hard time parenting teen boys, but if spend a long time understanding this unpredictable journey you will no doubt build a strong relationship.
Win back your son's heart with these simple steps.
Build a dynamic relationship that will adjust as your son grows older and will stand the test of time. If you put a lot of time and love into your mom son relationship, it will pay off greatly.
If you found this helpful share it and Follow us on Facebook!
Also read these 5 signs YOU are the reason your tween is puling away.
Oh, God! I'm so afraid of these moments! I mean, he is only 5 years old and i'm thinking all the adolescence and all those things you have described! Well, i have to say that you write those moments in a very king way and i can't even imagine how you felt!
You have addressed the fear of every mom. My son is 11 and I become worried to think about the days ... your tips are great!!!
Oh wow, this post really hits home for me. I have a 12-year-old son who is total mama's boy (which, of course, I love)...but I can see him starting to pull away and it's so hard to know how to handle it. Your tips are RIGHT ON! Thank you!
These are great tips for parents (both for sons and daughters). I like the idea of an activity together like movies or a hike!
This made me cry. My oldest is 14 and has no interest in his mom hugging him anymore. It is devastating to me. I have found that the way he feels love from me is when I play video games with him or ask him all about his favorite Youtubers. It is hard for me, but truly is an act of service to show my son that I'm here for him. Man, this parenting thing is so hard!
@Carrie, definitely start watching the YouTubers he watches!!!! And y’all can discuss them. It’s awesome that my son And I watch some of the same YouTubers.
I have a great relationship with my son and it's funny but I did all of these steps with him!!!I started listening to a famous child psychologist on the radio when my son was very young each day going to work!! So
glad I did!!!
Thank you so much for sharing that! Sounds like I am on the right track with my sons then!
Who is the psychologist you listen to ? Does he make podcasts ?
@FRIEDA POLK, who was the psychologist you listened to? Thanks 🙂
@FRIEDA POLK, what child psychologist did you listen to? Anyone in particular?
Ya Mom and son share a special bond just like a mom and a daughter but they have a different wavelength that cannot be matched. Moms must take their son at date night or day spends sometimes. It helps them to understand better because boys are less expressive.
Yes! I agree 100% with this content. Our son turns 21yrs tomorrow: but I have actually abided by the suggestions indicated above and it has really kept the bonding strong and healthy: I realized he needed space as he was grown up from early teens to 18yrs and now from 18yrs to 21yrs. So I changed my approach of love, affection and bonding language to suit his interests, likes and dislikes! It has been a healthy situation! Let go and keep doing the right thing at the right time! ♥️🙏
My son and i are best friends but is too playful and sometimes it worries me a lot.he will be making 12 in August this year but too childish won't it affect him
Thanks a lot now I’m crying like a baby 😭 my Son is about to turn one and I just want him to be my baby forever. These are threat tips though. I guess he will have to grow up and all I can do is savor these moments. ❤️
I know! haha! I cried writing this! Thanks for reading. I am with you!
I'm seeing the signs, he's pulling away already. Would rather be on Roblox all day than spend time with me. Spent a few sleepless nights thinking about it. It kind of pains me that he's too old to be doted on with affection, instead I kind of have to talk to him like a buddy for him to be more receptive.
It's comforting to see that I'm not the only one thinking about stuff like this. Ultimately, he's growing into his own person and I just gotta get to know who he is.
Thank you soo much for giving us your valuable suggestion.As a mother of preteen my biggest fear is how to deal with my son? will there be a gap between us both?How to behave with him?
I was totally confused actually scared.But now got a perfect plan of action.Once again thanks a lot.
"Mommy your my hero".. the words of my then 4 year old. Now 12.. mom I have basketball practice tonight and what's for dinner. Time sure flies!! He's growing up too fast. Still wants to be by me and gives me hugs! I'm holding on as long as I can. Who knows what 13 - 18 will bring. Hopefully a hug once and awhile and open communication.
Most importantly, listen when he talks & take an interest in his life.
My son acts like I don't even exist I have a hard time to 2v3n get a hug from him
Today is my oldest sons birthday, he’s turning 30 yrs old. I have two boys so I’ve gone through it. When they were young, I knew at some point they would grow up, leave home and begin their lives. As a single mom, I dedicated my life to raising them to be good, wholehearted, respectable boys. So when the time came and it came fast, I thought I was prepared…well I wasn’t.
Once my oldest graduated high school and went to college; his brother had 2 yrs of HS left and decided he wanted to live with his dad. What could I say…? After years of raising my boys & taking care of my family, I became an empty nest, no joke…literally overnight.
Since my world revolved around my boys for so many years, I didn’t realize how little I knew about myself. The first few weeks were bearable, however as months passed it took a toll on me. I seriously had to reinvent myself.
You’re right about making an effort, just like in anything, the effort from all parties involved is necessary to sustain a strong healthy loving relationship.
I am proud to say that regardless of the distance and because I provided a strong foundation for them when they were little, both grew up to be kind, loving, compassionate, respectable men. We may not talk every day but when we do, no time has lapsed as if it was yesterday.
The rewards are endless!
@Kirsten Hanrahan, good for you! Raising children isn’t easy, particularly as a single parent. I know that firsthand. It sounds like your parenting was very effective. Again, good for you!!!
It’s not always easy, even if a parent follows these wonderful suggestions that were given in this article. I believe I took all the steps listed in this article as he was growing up, however it’s still not always easy. Truth-be-told, it’s still so worth it. My son is 31 years old now, and he is a fine man who is quite accomplished.
Yes. It’s really hard to let them grow up and go on to live their lives, especially when they’re SO amazing and adorable at a very young age, and yet that’s our job as parents, isn’t it? Raise them as best you can so they can be as kind, happy, productive, and independent in this world as possible.
Kudos to you and all the other parents trying so hard out there to raise upstanding adults.
Great tips!